Transparent Aluminum Used To Make Tinfoil Hats

Tinfoil hats, once the protective devices of choice for paranoids and the merely prudent alike, have become little more than a crude joke in recent years. The facts behind these "jokes" are only now coming to light.

The fact of the matter is that the government, the CIA, and the little people who skip gaily between the saucepans in my kitchen cupboards had developed new technologies that made traditional tinfoil hats obsolete. Scientists and engineers, many of whom work for the government, know this to be fact (even if not made public), leading them to use "tinfoil hat" as a term of derision for people who felt that it was possible to protect precious brain matter inexpensively.

However, recent advances in protective technology have resulted in the use of transparent aluminum in these hats.

Science fiction fans will recall that "transparent aluminum" allows visible light to pass, but is an otherwise solid and impermeable barrier. The formula for transparent aluminum was traded for thick plexiglas panels to help whales escape safely into the latter part of the 23rd century in Star Trek IV.

Although the name "transparent aluminum-foil hat" does not have the same kind of catchet as "tinfoil hat", its acronym TAFT (Transparent Aluminum-Foil haT) is in fact the name of our 27th president, a powerful protective symbol for the American people. His average weight while in ofice, 333 pounds, invokes protection from the Masonic order, and wearing two hats doubles his weight to 666, warding off evil of all kinds.

The obvious advantage of transparent alumnium-foil hats over the original tinfoil hats is that you can wear them and not be seen wearing them, even in public. Below are reproduced some pictures of prominent Americans wearing their TAFTs. Note that these photographs have not be doctored or tampered with in any way. The individuals themselves may have been doctored or tampered with, or both, but not their pictures.

As you can see, our nation's political and cultural leaders were the first to outfit themselves with these protective devices. Tinfoil hats made of transparent aluminium, sometimes thought to provide even greater protection, will be made available in the U.K. later this year.

If you feel the immediate need to learn more about TAFTs, or would like to be transported safely into the 23rd century to a culture of universal tolerance and caring, be sure to contact these organizations:

Sypathetic and Caring Metallurgists for a Better World
Our Friend Bauxite
Active Metallic Headgear for your Active Lifestyle

Happy April Fool's day!

Scroll down for more stories in the same category. (Story submitted 4/1/2004)

Follow this kind of news @Technovelgy.

| Email | RSS | Blog It | Stumble | del.icio.us | Digg | Reddit |

Would you like to contribute a story tip? It's easy:
Get the URL of the story, and the related sf author, and add it here.

Comment/Join discussion ( 3 )

Related News Stories - (" Lifestyle ")

Seiko Astron Always Knows Your Time Zone
'Harrington glanced at his wrist watch - a bulky affair - and whistled.' - Robert Heinlein, 1940.

The Ring Clock IS Heinlein's Finger Watch
'Crayn glanced at his finger watch...' - HB Fyfe, 1951.

3D Printed Fashion - Plastirobes And Transdresses
'... dial a new fashion every day!' - Niven and Barnes, 1992.

ThreeForm 3D Scans And Digitally Simulates Customer Fashion
'...A miracle of misapplied engineering caused his own face to appear on the illustrated figures dressed in trooper red.' - Harry Harrison, 1965.

 

Google
  Web TechNovelgy.com   

Technovelgy (that's tech-novel-gee!) is devoted to the creative science inventions and ideas of sf authors. Look for the Invention Category that interests you, the Glossary, the Invention Timeline, or see what's New.

 

 

 

 

 

Current News

Orwell's Memory Hole Looms Larger Thanks To Nvidia
'All history was a palimpsest, scraped clean and reinscribed exactly as often as was necessary.'

Pipefish Robot Checks Pipes Cheap
Just like capsule endoscopy, but for bigger pipes. That go underground.

Nifty New SDS Space Debris Sensor For ISS
'Their radars... could easily pinpoint the debris of the early Space Age.'

NanoRacks Space Station Module Concept Validated
Space junk into space architecture.

Nuclear Drones Could Fly For Years
'I sent my eyes on their rounds and tended my gallery of one hundred-thirty changing pictures...'

SciFiQ Science Fiction Writing Aid
'Books were just a commodity that had to be produced, like jam or bootlaces.'

Robot Only Faster, Not Better, At Recycling
'Whenever a robot finds something it can't identify straight off... it puts whatever it is in the hopper outside your window.'

Poland Starts With 1000 Warmate 'Suicide Drones'
'Royal Security had told the pods to electrocute you or blast you into chum.'

Dream Of Building Your Own Rocket?
Fiorello Bodoni, you inspire all of us.

Zero Mass 'Vaporators' Pull Drinking Water From The Air
Did you think of Star Wars?

Elon Musk Fears A 'Fleet-Wide Hack' Of Autonomous Vehicles
'Khan grinned. 'It's alive! Bu-wahhahahah!''

China Melts Tibetan Permafrost To Plant Forest
'Can you give us a microwave spotlight?'

iFlytek Doctor Robot First To Pass Medical Exams
Doctor shortage? No problem, we'll just use the autodoc.

Slaughterbot AI KIller Quadcopter Drones
'The real border was defended by... a swarm of quasi-independent aerostats.'

Do We Really Want Backflipping Robots?
Also includes wonderful blooper reel.

RNA-Based Biocomputing Device
Living things can sense and analyze complex signals in living cells.

More SF in the News Stories

More Beyond Technovelgy science news stories

Home | Glossary | Invention Timeline | Category | New | Contact Us | FAQ | Advertise |
Technovelgy.com - where science meets fiction™

Copyright© Technovelgy LLC; all rights reserved.