Science Fiction
Dictionary
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
 |
Transparent Aluminum Used To Make Tinfoil Hats
Tinfoil hats, once the protective devices of choice for paranoids and the merely prudent alike, have become little more than a crude joke in recent years. The facts behind these "jokes" are only now coming to light.
The fact of the matter is that the government, the CIA, and the little people who skip gaily between the saucepans in my kitchen cupboards had developed new technologies that made traditional tinfoil hats obsolete. Scientists and engineers, many of whom work for the government, know this to be fact (even if not made public), leading them to use "tinfoil hat" as a term of derision for people who felt that it was possible to protect precious brain matter inexpensively.
However, recent advances in protective technology have resulted in the use of transparent aluminum in these hats.
Science fiction fans will recall that "transparent aluminum" allows visible light to pass, but is an otherwise solid and impermeable barrier. The formula for transparent aluminum was traded for thick plexiglas panels to help whales escape safely into the latter part of the 23rd century in Star Trek IV.
Although the name "transparent aluminum-foil hat" does not have the same kind of catchet as "tinfoil hat", its acronym TAFT (Transparent Aluminum-Foil haT) is in fact the name of our 27th president, a powerful protective symbol for the American people. His average weight while in ofice, 333 pounds, invokes protection from the Masonic order, and wearing two hats doubles his weight to 666, warding off evil of all kinds.
The obvious advantage of transparent alumnium-foil hats over the original tinfoil hats is that you can wear them and not be seen wearing them, even in public. Below are reproduced some pictures of prominent Americans wearing their TAFTs. Note that these photographs have not be doctored or tampered with in any way. The individuals themselves may have been doctored or tampered with, or both, but not their pictures.
As you can see, our nation's political and cultural leaders were the first to outfit themselves with these protective devices. Tinfoil hats made of transparent aluminium, sometimes thought to provide even greater protection, will be made available in the U.K. later this year.
If you feel the immediate need to learn more about TAFTs, or would like to be transported safely into the 23rd century to a culture of universal tolerance and caring, be sure to contact these organizations:
Sypathetic and Caring Metallurgists for a Better World
Our Friend Bauxite
Active Metallic Headgear for your Active Lifestyle
Happy April Fool's day!
Scroll down for more stories in the same category. (Story submitted 4/1/2004)
Follow this kind of news @Technovelgy.| Email | RSS | Blog It | Stumble | del.icio.us | Digg | Reddit |
Would
you like to contribute a story tip?
It's easy:
Get the URL of the story, and the related sf author, and add
it here.
Comment/Join discussion ( 3 )
Related News Stories - (" Lifestyle ")
Amazon Blimp Parent Drone Concept
'So the parent drone carries a spotter that it launches...' - Daniel Suarez, 2012.
Tortoise Mobile Smart Stores
'... all round the city dozens of cars have rented out their trunks, which contain cigars and scotch and stuff.' - Karl Schroeder, 2019.
Sony Pocket Air Conditioner Is Phil Dick's Idea!
'... he went to the hall closet to get his pith helmet and his mandatory cooling-unit.' - Philip K. Dick, 1965.
ROAM Robotics Skiing Exoskeleton
'The real genius in the design is that you don't have to control the suit; you just wear it...' - Robert Heinlein, 1959.
Technovelgy (that's tech-novel-gee!) is devoted to the creative science inventions and ideas of sf authors. Look for the Invention Category that interests you, the Glossary, the Invention Timeline, or see what's New.
Science Fiction
Timeline
1600-1899
1900-1939
1940's 1950's
1960's 1970's
1980's 1990's
2000's 2010's
Current News
Russians Think US Is Weaponizing Asteroids
'BY PUSHING AGAINST THE
LITTLE MARTIAN MOON WITH OUR
ROCKET SHIP, WE HAD LESSENED
THE CENTRIFUGAL SPEED THAT
HELD IT BALANCED IN THE SKY.'
The Warp And Fabric Of Spacetime
'Jenkins had evidently fallen into a warp in space.'
'Birds Aren't Real' An NPR Gen-Z Conspiracy
Keep your eyes on the skies!
Wearable Energy Harvester
'... he had tightened the chest to gain maximum pumping action from the motion of breathing.'
Drones Participate In Buddhist Rites
'...a prayer wheel swung into view and began spinning at a furious pace.'
Anna Indiana AI Singer-Songwriter
'She is a personality-construct, a congeries of software agents'
Video Manicuring ala Schismatrix
'The program raced up the screen one scan line at a time'
'Feel the AGI' OpenAI Leader Now OpenWorship
'And are all the people willing to be governed by a machine?'
NASA Tests Prototype Europa Lander
Why have legs if they don't walk around?
Tailsitter Drone Aircraft For SAR
'...it was so easy for me to remain motionless in midair.'
Forward CarePod The AI Doctor's Office
'It's an old model,' Rawlins said. 'I'm not sure what to do.'
Mika The Robot-Boss
'the robot-boss was busy at the lip of the new lode instructing and egging the men on to greater speed...'
Yamaha Motoroid 2 No Handlebars Self-Balancing Motorcycle
'He rode the bike with an intense lack of physical grace...'
San Francisco Autobus
'THE autobus turned silently down the wide street...'
Should Your Car Decide If You Can Drive?
'Okay. Maybe the car was right...'
Lucid Dreams On Demand From Prophetic and Card79
'the peeper did not operate by virtue of its machinery alone, but by the reaction of the brain and the body of its user...'
