Transparent Aluminum Used To Make Tinfoil Hats

Tinfoil hats, once the protective devices of choice for paranoids and the merely prudent alike, have become little more than a crude joke in recent years. The facts behind these "jokes" are only now coming to light.

The fact of the matter is that the government, the CIA, and the little people who skip gaily between the saucepans in my kitchen cupboards had developed new technologies that made traditional tinfoil hats obsolete. Scientists and engineers, many of whom work for the government, know this to be fact (even if not made public), leading them to use "tinfoil hat" as a term of derision for people who felt that it was possible to protect precious brain matter inexpensively.

However, recent advances in protective technology have resulted in the use of transparent aluminum in these hats.

Science fiction fans will recall that "transparent aluminum" allows visible light to pass, but is an otherwise solid and impermeable barrier. The formula for transparent aluminum was traded for thick plexiglas panels to help whales escape safely into the latter part of the 23rd century in Star Trek IV.

Although the name "transparent aluminum-foil hat" does not have the same kind of catchet as "tinfoil hat", its acronym TAFT (Transparent Aluminum-Foil haT) is in fact the name of our 27th president, a powerful protective symbol for the American people. His average weight while in ofice, 333 pounds, invokes protection from the Masonic order, and wearing two hats doubles his weight to 666, warding off evil of all kinds.

The obvious advantage of transparent alumnium-foil hats over the original tinfoil hats is that you can wear them and not be seen wearing them, even in public. Below are reproduced some pictures of prominent Americans wearing their TAFTs. Note that these photographs have not be doctored or tampered with in any way. The individuals themselves may have been doctored or tampered with, or both, but not their pictures.

As you can see, our nation's political and cultural leaders were the first to outfit themselves with these protective devices. Tinfoil hats made of transparent aluminium, sometimes thought to provide even greater protection, will be made available in the U.K. later this year.

If you feel the immediate need to learn more about TAFTs, or would like to be transported safely into the 23rd century to a culture of universal tolerance and caring, be sure to contact these organizations:

Sypathetic and Caring Metallurgists for a Better World
Our Friend Bauxite
Active Metallic Headgear for your Active Lifestyle

Happy April Fool's day!

Scroll down for more stories in the same category. (Story submitted 4/1/2004)

Follow this kind of news @Technovelgy.

| Email | RSS | Blog It | Stumble | del.icio.us | Digg | Reddit |

Would you like to contribute a story tip? It's easy:
Get the URL of the story, and the related sf author, and add it here.

Comment/Join discussion ( 3 )

Related News Stories - (" Lifestyle ")

IRL Glasses Block Screens, Limit Vision To Real Life
'If you couldn't see the ads, how would you know what was fashionable?' - John Varley, 1977.

The Hammock Caravan And Italo Calvino's Octavia
'Now I will tell you how Octavia, the spider-web city, is made.'

Americans! Stay Indoors To Save Energy
'Those funny old days, when men went for change of air instead of changing the air in their rooms!' - EM Forster, 1909.

Nissan ProPILOT Slippers Are Self-Parking, Autonomous
Beyond science and fiction, that's what they are.

 

Google
  Web TechNovelgy.com   

Technovelgy (that's tech-novel-gee!) is devoted to the creative science inventions and ideas of sf authors. Look for the Invention Category that interests you, the Glossary, the Invention Timeline, or see what's New.

 

 

 

 

 

Current News

Jaguar I-Pace Audible Vehicle Alert System For EVs
'Of course not a vehicle moved by means of internal explosions of a derivative of rock oil...'

Autonomous 'Fiberbots' Weave Large Structures
'It extrudes material like a spider.'

Birds Aren't Real - Wake Up, California! (With Bird Watching Guide)
'When he had first built them, they had been crude indeed, flying mechanisms with little more than a reflex-response unit.'

Self-Healing Material Pulls Carbon Out Of The Air
'... could seal the punctures.'

IRL Glasses Block Screens, Limit Vision To Real Life
'If you couldn't see the ads, how would you know what was fashionable?'

Testing The Single-Person Spacecraft
'...the lower part of the suit was simply a rigid cylinder.'

Shapeshifting Materials Transform By Light
'Its lines wavered, flowed, and then painfully reformed.'

Fully Automated Farm Iron Ox Hydroponics
'Had these machines in some incredible fashion been provided with brains?'

BrainNet Social Network Of Brains
'I used my implant to tell MILLIE what we wanted and she took care of it'

Phil Nuyttnn's City Under The Sea
'Under the lower roof there was no water, but a clear and luminous atmosphere...'

IONITY Opens First 10 Fast-Charging Stations
'Recharge the batteries... in almost every town and village...'

Superstrong Multilayer Metal-Graphene Composite Material
Negligible increase in weight increased material strength by hundreds of times.

Deepfakes Imperil Democracy (George Orwell, Right Again)
'All history was a palimpsest, scraped clean and reinscribed exactly as often as was necessary.'

String Art Courtesy Of Robot Artist
The number of different ways to span a thread between a larger number of hooks is astronomical.

Still Wondering If You'd Work For A Robot Boss?
'This is all coming to you courtesy of the simstim unit wired into your deck, of course.'

World's First Autonomous Tram In Germany
What's it like for autonomous trams when they're turned off at night?

More SF in the News Stories

More Beyond Technovelgy science news stories

Home | Glossary | Invention Timeline | Category | New | Contact Us | FAQ | Advertise |
Technovelgy.com - where science meets fiction™

Copyright© Technovelgy LLC; all rights reserved.